Facebook posts you don't want to read

The most banal and douchiest Facebook posts you don't ever want to read? Here are my favorites:

5. Kids say the Darndest Things! Well golly gee, how nice is it that your bratty genius just told her sister that she's the boss of you. Other parents couldn't give a shit about your kid, and those without kids really couldn't give a flying f@ck. Three out of Five Douches.

4. I Just Ran 20.098 Miles! Ok, so you run. and you have some device tracking it all. What do you want me to say, congrats?   Four out of Five Douches. 

3. Help me become the Most Influential Reader of Fast Company! Oh, and by the way, if you click on this link, not only will you help me, you'll track back to this idiotic program. Five out of Five Douches.

2. I'm About to Hit The Road: What's the Best Restaurant Between Hicksville and Ramshack OH on I478? F@ck if I know. That question's gonna resonate with all 4 of your high school buddies. The rest of us haven't been within 8,000 sq miles of that godforsaken stretch of highway. Three out of Five Douches.

1. Hmmm, coffee. Yes, we all need a boost in the morning. You're so special? Two out of Five Douches.*

* Note, the list is in order of banality, but clearly douchiness is overlayed and correlates.


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